


Get Dressed You Merry Gentlemen!

by stravaganza



Series: let's desecrate the holidays together [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Christmas Clothes, Domesticity, Eggsy Unwin is a Little Shit, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Out, Porn Video, Resulting Voyeurism, Teaching Harry Hart Not To Be Late, light exhibitionism, the word daddy may or may not be used exactly once (1)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 03:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravaganza/pseuds/stravaganza
Summary: "Anyone who had ever known Harry Hart for more than five minutes knew the man was a pathological laggard. Not when it came to being on time during missions (mostly), but when it came to his personal life? God forbid the man ever as much as glanced at a clock."Eggsy comes up with a plan to try and show Harry just what he misses out on when he's running late.





	Get Dressed You Merry Gentlemen!

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻譯】Get Dressed You Merry Gentlemen!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13090200) by [sandykill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandykill/pseuds/sandykill)



> Shamelessly inspired by the new Christmas clothes in the "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" mobile game, because... I just couldn't help myself. Pictures linked in the end notes!
> 
> Enjoy!

Anyone who had ever known Harry Hart for more than five minutes knew the man was a pathological laggard. Not when it came to being on time during missions (mostly), but when it came to his personal life? God forbid the man ever as much as _glanced_ at a clock.

Merlin stood in front of the fireplace, carefully covering the dying embers with ashes and muttering to himself.

“I can’t believe after all this years he still has the time management skills of a toddler…”

Eggsy was a bit bored himself, really. He would never understand how Harry could take so long getting ready for a dinner out. In the time it was taking him to get dressed, Merlin and Eggsy had both showered, put on their clothes, panicked about the state of their hair (in Eggsy’s case), reassured each other they were _looking good, stop worrying so much_ (in Merlin’s case), and driven over to Harry’s house from Merlin’s place, where they had both gotten ready because they just _knew_ it would take Harry ages to do everything.

At least, he thought, the view was nice.

 _Very_ nice.

To be honest, Merlin wasn’t dressed much differently from his everyday style, yet it was the kind of elegantly dressed down that Eggsy loved to see on the man. The dark, severe woodsman jumpers he preferred had given way to a cerulean button neck jumper with a white snowflake pattern all around his chest and upper arms. His shirt was a checkered, dark blue-grey affair instead of the usual white, and it perfectly complemented the wool trousers of the same colour the man was wearing. Merlin had even forgone his usual brogues, going for a pair of brown loafers with a silver horsebit decor, and, to Eggsy’s great amusement, argyle socks in the same shades of blue and mustard yellow. But the best part was…

“Hey, Merls.”

Merlin turned around and Eggsy looked at the mustard bowtie fastened around his neck, his lips quirking in a small smile.

“I have an idea on how to make Harry regret making us wait.”

“Oh?” By the tilt of the Scotsman’s eyebrow, Eggsy knew he had intrigued him. “And what’s that?”

“Come here and I’ll explain it to you,” he replied, his grin just on the right side of wicked.

Merlin put the poker back in place and matched Eggsy’s smirk.

* * *

“Ready?”

“Go.”

Eggsy hit send, and then replayed the video on his phone.

It was a bit crooked, and it wobbled when they moved too much, but it was perfect just like that.

“ _Lights, camera… action!_ ” Eggsy said from the device.

On the screen, a hand could be seen pulling back and Eggsy’s grinning face coming into view. He had taken his glasses off for the occasion, but his red-and-green tartan patterned suit jacket was still in place, as were his green tie and white button down. Eggsy’s mustard pocket square and golden buttons winked in the living room’s light, followed by an actual wink from the boy himself.

When he pulled back further and the angle opened, the scene came fully into view: they were still sitting on the sofa, Merlin and he, side by side.

“ _Is it recording?_ ” Merlin’s brogue broke the silence, and the Eggsy on camera nodded.

“ _Yep. You ready?_ ”

“ _Damn right I am._ ”

The camera, propped against one of the armrests, wobbled as Eggsy stood up, and then again when two legs clad in green trousers settled on either of Merlin’s sides.

Merlin’s large hands moved to run up the back of Eggsy’s thighs, stroking for a moment before moving up and squeezing his arse.

“ _Fuck!_ ”

“ _Mmh, if only we had more time…_ ”

“ _Come on, it’ll take Harry so long to get ready we could do it twice before he was even done combing his hair._ ”

Merlin’s reply came in the form of a chuckle, and then his hand went up to cup the back of Eggsy’s neck, pulling him closer.

“ _You have no idea how right you are, but I don’t fancy rumpling all our clothes. After dinner, maybe…_ ” he said in a low voice, and Eggsy whined.

“ _It’s unfair, it is. You can’t touch me like that and say stuff like that and then expect me not to-!_ ”

Eggsy’s rant was cut short by Merlin crashing their lips together, turning the boy’s complaints into moans in no time.

The kiss was the epitome of filthy. Merlin pressed his tongue against Eggsy’s mouth, prying his lips open in no time, and before long he was devouring the boy, his breathy moans a beautiful contrast to Merlin’s growls. It was as much for the camera’s benefit as it was for theirs, after all, and for several minutes they kept lapping at each other’s mouth hungrily, clumsily.

Merlin’s hands continued to squeeze and massage Eggsy’s neck, and Eggsy started to rock his hips against Merlin’s, only for the man’s strong hands to grip him by the hips and still him.

Eggsy whined unhappily, and broke the kiss, his hands to Merlin’s chest, stroking him through the soft wool of his jumper.

“ _Come on, guv… just a quickie,_ ” he begged softly.

Merlin hummed. “ _I suppose if we don’t you’d end up trying to convince me to shag you in the restaurant’s loo…_ ”

“ _I wouldn’t,_ ” Eggsy said, but the grin on his face was all but innocent.

Merlin just snorted and pulled Eggsy in for another kiss, pressing their lips together. It was less for show, now, their mouths pressed together firmly, but the noises Eggsy made made it clear how good he was getting it.

The kiss ended when Merlin leaned back, tugging Eggsy’s bottom lip with his teeth. Eggsy whimpered audibly and opened his eyes to look at his lover. Then, Merlin suddenly let go, smirking.

“ _Enough of that, now, or your lips will be so red everyone will know what we’ve been up to,_ ” the Scotsman chided, smirking. “ _Unless they’ll think you’ve been sucking my cock._ ”

“ _I wish you’d let me,_ ” Eggsy complained loudly, shifting on Merlin’s lap and grinding down against him. “ _I can feel you’re hard, luv- come on, lemme help you…_ ”

“ _Unlike you, I have some semblance of self control,_ ” Merlin chided, tapping Eggsy’s lips with his fingertip.

“ _Until I make you lose it…_ ” Eggsy grinned once more, but Merlin was unmovable, as he often was.

“ _Hush and accept your prize, before I change my mind._ ”

That did shut the boy up, and he shut his mouth with an audible click of teeth.

“ _Good lad._ ”

“I should make that into a ringtone,” Eggsy said as they watched the Merlin on the screen pull a handkerchief out of his pocket.

“You’d get an erection whenever your phone chimed,” Merlin pointed out with a grin, getting a soft noise of assent out of the younger man.

Meanwhile on the phone, the distinct noise of a zipper being pulled down could be heard, followed by a low whine and the rustle of fabric being moved out of the way.

“ _Hush now, pet. You don’t want to disturb Harry upstairs, do you?_ ” Merlin’s voice was a deep rumble, and Eggsy whined again at the sound of it.

“ _Then stop torturin’ me…_ ” he complained, the words dying on his lips as Merlin finally pulled his erection out f his pants.

“ _My, aren’t you eager,_ ” Merlin teased, a smile on his lips as he wrapped a hand around it.

The angle wasn’t optimal, really - Merlin’s huge hand engulfed Eggsy’s cock completely and it all but disappeared to the camera, only the brief glimpse of the wet crown ever making an appearance - but it was the sort of enticing see-can’t-see that actually made it all the more enticing.

Even without seeing him properly, it was clear Eggsy was having the time of his life. His hips rolled at a sensuous pace, his head bowed forward to look at the hand wrapped around him and then lolling backwards to expose his neck, Eggsy’s mouth slack and his eyes falling shut as he let pleasure wash over him.

“ _Fuck…_ ”

“ _That’s it, you gorgeous thing. That’s it. Fuck my hand, come on,_ ” Merlin spurred the boy on, encouraging him further by stilling his hand.

“ _Merls!_ ” Eggsy groaned in frustration, bracing himself on the couch’s backrest so he could start pumping his hips in earnest.

The friction was delightful even with his precome as the only mean of lubrication, and it was clear from Eggsy’s grunts and moans that he was close to coming, his hair falling out of their carefully parted style and onto his forehead. He would need to comb them through once more, but they would have time for that.

All too soon, the rhythm of Eggsy’s thrusts stuttered and faltered in a telltale way, and Merlin quickly brought his handkerchief over the head of Eggsy’s cock, cupping his palm over it through the fabric and rolling gently while he squeezed the shaft with his other hand.

“ _Come on… show Harry what he’s missing out on… show your daddy how pretty you are, and make him regret not being here to take you apart with me._ ”

It was exactly what Eggsy had needed, apparently, because the next moment he was gasping and cursing and thrusting shakily into Merlin’s hand, his back arching as a broken moan of “ _Harry!_ ” erupted from his speakers.

There was a loud crash from upstairs, and Eggsy turned to grin widely at Merlin.

“Perfectly timed,” he said.

“You’re a devious little genius,” the Scotsman laughed, even as he kept watching the screen.

The video continued after Eggsy had blown his load in Merlin’s handkerchief, but it was brief. Just the two of them sharing some lazy kisses as Merlin wiped Eggsy clean and tucked him back in his pants before disposing of the handkerchief, followed by an offer for a blowjob that the man refused, and then by Eggsy winking at the camera again when he leaned in to turn it off.

The heavy sound of hurried feet rushing down a flight of stairs had them both look up, and a flushed Harry Hart appeared in the living room.

Eggsy’s jaw nearly dropped, because the man was stunning. He wore a three piece wool suit in the same shade of dark blue-grey as Merlin’s trousers, but his vest was a earthy brown that reminded Eggsy of the leather patches that usually adorned Merlin’s shoulders. His shirt was white and crisp, the deep red tie he wore contrasting perfectly with the ensamble and with the berries on the small branch of holly tucked in his lapel.

“What the hell is this?” Harry demanded to know, and his righteous indignation only made him look hotter.

“The lad thought it might be an incentive to hurry up and join us downstairs,” Merlin said innocently while Eggsy tried to pick his jaw from the floor.

Harry wasn’t happy about that. “You know it takes time for me to be decent!”

“And you know Eggsy and I would love you even if you’d just dunked in the Thames. As would my parents. It’s a good thing they already know you, or they’d spend their whole vacation to London waiting on you,” the Scotsman smiled.

Eggsy finally found his tongue and said, “You’re looking really good, Harry.” His voice came out smaller than he would have liked, but he felt he was too stunned for anything louder. It was a miracle he was coherent at all.

That got Harry’s attention, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, well. I’m not done getting ready.”

“I can see that. You need to wear something yellow- we agreed we would colour coordinate. It was your idea in the first place!” Merlin said, gesturing pointedly at his bow-tie and Eggsy’s breast pocket.

“I’ll have you know, I’m already wearing something yellow,” Harry said primly, sniffing for effect. Then, he pulled the waistband of his slacks down just an inch, and his garish yellow underwear came into view.

Eggsy whimpered. He looked at Harry then at Merlin, pleadingly.

The Scotsman groaned, without even needing to hear what was on Eggsy’s mind, but he would be lying if the sight of a flustered Harry wasn’t always too erotic to resist, especially when paired with a ludicrous pair of pants.

“Fine,” he gave in with a sigh. “We’re already late, we might as well.”

Eggsy beamed and leaned in for a quick kiss, before leaping off the couch.

“Don’t rumple him up too much, or he’ll have to start over and we’ll never make it to dinner. Don’t think you’re getting out of meeting my parents so easily!” Merlin said as he stood to follow, his gaze meeting Harry’s twinkling eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ve already texted to let them know we were going to be late,” he said before taking Eggsy’s hand and spiriting him upstairs to the sound of their own raucous laughters.

Merlin stared after them for a moment, helplessly. “I hate you both,” he mumbled to no one in particular, then sighed and followed them to their bedroom, an amused smile curving his lips despite his best attempts at being annoyed.

He was way too fond of his two idiots.

**Author's Note:**

> Extra points to those who got the Cabin Pressure reference in the title. If you don't know what that is, do yourself a favour and listen to the whole show - it's one of the best, funniest, happiest things that ever graced public radio broadcasts.
> 
> Here are the pictures, as promised: http://stravaganzawrites.tumblr.com/post/168569181198/get-dressed-you-merry-gentlemen-stravaganza
> 
> I just love everything about this. Merlin's "ugly" Christmas jumper. The fact that Harry's suit is a /thistle/ suit. Eggsy's tartan shirt that just screamed "meeting the parents"... this ship sails on its own, friends.
> 
> I hope you liked this!
> 
> EDIT: I AM SCREAMING http://just--a--figment.tumblr.com/post/168688001080  
> (The app developers are the real heroes this Christmas)


End file.
